Three Tip for Momming in Today’s Harsh World

I love to write. It is my therapy, my meditation, my outlet to release all the crazy buzzing around in my head. When I write about the trials, tribulation and triumphs of being a working mom I feel like I’m doing exactly what I was put on this earth to do. But lately I’ve been so overwhelmed by the enormity of the responsibility for mothering in today’s world that my voice has seemingly been choked out of me. As my two sons plunge in to their teen years, the bubble wrapped existence of soccer, play-dates, trips to the zoo, and family vacations has been replaced by the harsh realities of living in today’s world. Listening to the news each morning as I drive my eighth-grader to school I’ve had to talk through sexual assault, school shootings, murder in synagogues, white supremacists marching with torches, and intolerable behavior by those in our country’s highest offices. Add to that the need to coach our children through their teen years in a world of social media where one innocent mistake can be enshrined on the World Wide Web forever or drugs that can kill you with one ingredient the size of a grain of sand it’s enough to make me want to curl up under my covers and never come out.

But moms don’t get to do that.

Being a mom today is like that scene from Wonder Woman where the Steve Trevor explains to Diana that no one ever crosses no man’s land and she’s like, um, watch me. Then she climbs up the ladder, crosses the gulf while taking massive gun-fire, and then kicks some Nazi butt. Women tend to be the talkers, the teachers, and the soft place for our children to land. So it’s up to us to give context and hope even when it seems as impossible as crossing no man’s land. You’ll develop your own style but I think there are some basic ground rules that can help arm you to tackle your momming duties.

Talk to your children early and often. Look, the reality is that our children don’t grow up in bubbles. It’s not just their friends with older siblings we have to worry about telling them about sex or swearing before they are ready. With the ubiquity of the internet you have to believe that your child will see something you don’t want them to see sooner than you’d like them to see it. It’s up to us to inoculate them as best we can. Talk to your kids about sex and drugs before you think they have been exposed to either. You want to be the person putting those things in context not some YouTube star. Also, having conversations let’s your children know they can talk to you about everything.
Don’t use baby-talk words for grown up concepts. Sex is not a childish topic. So don’t talk about it in baby-language. It’s confusing for kids and it gives the impression that the real words or the act itself is dirty or gross. It also let’s your child know how uncomfortable you are with the topic and could have them thinking twice before coming to you with questions in the future. That being said I haven’t met a mother yet who is totally comfortable talking to her kids about sex. I’m sure she exists and makes her own homemade granola as a vegan treat for her lactose intolerant children. But for the rest of us processed food feeding moms it is uncomfortable. Just recognize it and then move on knowing you are in good company
This is going to get me into totally hot water but I believe in lying to your children about your own drug use. Your thirteen-year-old doesn’t need to know that you tried coke in college. Wait until he’s thirty and come clean if you must. And if you haven’t been asked by your child if you’ve ever tried drugs let me tell you it is just a matter of time so put on your big girl panties and get ready to lie through your teeth. This is not the time to have a crises of conscience. This is about your kid believing that you are asking them to do what you yourself did. And if you feel guilty remind yourself that we didn’t have killer drugs like Fentanyl, heroine or Oxycontin in our schools when we were growing up. Our kids do. So just cross your fingers behind your back and promise yourself you’ll come clean when they are adults.

We are it. We are the last line of defense between our children and a really freaking tough world. So come on out from under your covers, put on your Wonder Woman bracelets and let’s cross no man’s land together.