I have to set the scene for you because this story is way
better once you have the entire picture. My husband and I have raised our two boys
in a little town called Cave Creek, Arizona.
It’s best known for its biker and cowboy bars. It’s not unusual to see
horses walking down the street while waiting for the school bus. It sits just north of Phoenix and west of
Scottsdale. So rural vibe with proximity
to a greater metropolitan area—but for sure it is small town USA.
So when I went to my son’s middle school graduation I was
floored when I saw a beautiful young man (kind of like a young Tyler Henry of
Hollywood Medium fame) walking in the graduation procession wearing a lovely
buttoned down shirt, black pants, and a pair of gorgeous strappy high heels any
woman would kill to own. I had to
struggle mightily not to burst out into tears.
The bravery of this young man owning exactly who he is during the most
difficult and awkward age of his entire life in our tiny town overwhelmed me. I was frozen in place because I wanted to
rush up and hug him but then had to remind myself that parents aren’t cool and randomly
hugging children could be viewed as totally weird and potentially predatory. Instead I just sat in my seat fighting back
tears like the strong outspoken woman I am.
Yes, I am disappointed in me.
But while I was sitting there I couldn’t help but think of
this young man’s mom. I know how difficult
it is raising a “typical” middle schooler (don’t even get me started). Middle school is not for sissies and it’s
even worse the second time around because you know how awful it was when you
did it as a child. Having to watch your
child navigate all of the awkward and awful social tests of middle school is
gut wrenching. But if you add to that
the special sauce of having a kid who doesn’t fit into the vanilla box society
still likes to shove all of our children into I imagine it can be just awful.
Seeing this brave child embracing his authentic self was
truly inspirational. But I know that
confidence didn’t come without some heartache and soul searching by him and his
family—and most especially (I’m guessing) his mom. What I’d like this boy’s mom to know is that
I am you and your son’s ally. I bet as his mom you’ve been worried sick that he
might be hurt either emotionally or physically just for being who he is and
that is not a burden you should carry on your own. All of us moms need to create a safe space
for your son by teaching our children that your son is what real bravery looks
like. So just know that I have you and
your son’s back. I’ve told my son that
your son is the biggest badass at their school. And I want to thank you for
giving me a chance to teach my children to also be an ally. You might not see us but you have an army of
moms standing behind you and applauding you for being the kind of mother who
can raise a child to embrace exactly who they are. That is the greatest gift any of us can give
our children and you, my friend, have done it.
So thank you, keep up the good work and please remember you are not
alone.
For laughter and inspiration read my book The Working Mommy's Manual, available on Amazon.
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