There aren’t many things I know with certainty but here are two that I do: 1. When people feel overwhelmed or confused they do nothing. Absolutely nothing. 2. Our children do what we do not what we say.
The heart sickening violence in Charleston makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Nine innocent people gunned down mercilessly in their place of worship. What can we do to combat such horror and depravity? what can us “normal” people do to stop pure evil? Where do we even start?
There’s not much we can do about evil. But there is a whole lot we can do to create the type of world that is hard for evil to hide in.
And we start in our homes. We start by not over thinking the solution. Because when we over think we freeze. And I would contend there are few issues facing America today that are more seemingly complex than race relations. And if you haven’t noticed we are frozen as a nation when it comes to race relations. Even most movies and TV shows seem to reflect back to us the message that there is a white world with a token black character or a black world with a token white character. We may be equal but we are still mostly separate.
And I’m going to take part of the blame for this awkward arrangement. Well not just me but my generation – the well-intentioned Gen-Xers. Because we created political correctness. And there are few concepts that stifle communion between different groups more than political correctness. It’s hard to speak easily with someone who isn’t exactly like you when you are constantly worrying about not offending them – about not being correct. And what do we do when we are unsure? Again, nothing. We do absolutely nothing. In our defense our intentions were good and we meant well in theory. But in practice it doesn’t work.
Last year I was having a dinner party at my house and one of my best friends who was helping me cook the meal (okay he was actually cooking and I was chopping things occasionally while drinking wine) asked if his friend who was in town and some of her girlfriends could come as well. I said sure the more the merrier. When these five women showed up at my home everyone was on their best behavior. They were black and I am white. You could almost feel the weight of the political correctness hanging in the air. So we chatted about the weather and their flights. Innocuous small talk. Until I decided to be inappropriate and asked them what they thought about the fact that there are only about five black people in our state. Okay maybe six. They busted out laughing and started telling stories about what an awkward experience it was for them to be the only women of color wherever they went.
So while we could have remained polite and distant from each other for the entire evening instead we ended up laughing and being real with each other and having an absolutely fabulous time. Because we didn’t over think it. I said something funny to break the ice and then we just went with it.
And even more importantly my children saw what we did. They saw a bunch of women laughing and having a good time. They saw us not get hung up on race or correctness. They saw us break bread together and share a meal. Because I could say to my children every day of their lives that all people are equal but if they don’t see me actually treating everyone with respect it won’t work.
And while you may be rolling your eyes and thinking that I’m being too Polly-Anna I am also rolling my eyes right back at you for being so jaded. Because it isn’t legislation out of Washington or lengthy academic dissertations that will create the racial harmony we crave. It is the simple acts of being human with one another that will change our world. So let’s start. It really is that simple.
For laughter and inspiration read my blog NicoleCorning.com and my book The Working Mommy’s Manual, available on Amazon:
The Working Mommy’s Manual by Nicole W. Corning
For laughter and inspiration read my book The Working Mommy's Manual, available on Amazon.
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