Last week I had to make a very important pitch to a prospect. For the last eight years any major pitch has been made by me and my business partner. But this pitch I’d be flying solo. My business partner’s dad was just diagnosed with cancer so he is all hands on deck helping his dad navigate the frustrating labyrinth that is our medical system (don’t get me started because that’s a whole other blog needing to be written). So I woke up, put my big girl panties on and was ready to walk out the door when my oldest son walked into the bathroom whining and fake coughing. Oh holy hell, not today, please not today. He proceeded to try to convince me how sick he was and I was having none of it. I actually told him to Google “man cold” and get over it. Until my youngest son walked in and also proceeded to tell me how sick he felt. Dear seven-pound-eight-ounce baby Jesus not today. Not. Today. Please.
And that is when I realized that I needed a pause-button. When work responsibilities are inescapable but I still need to be a mom, I need to be able to pause mom duties until I can deal with them appropriately. I just needed like four hours to make my pitch and then I could deal with sick kids. But not now. Now I was panicking. Now was time to put mom duties on pause. They weren’t bleeding out of their heads or on fire so pausing in order to deal with them later seemed reasonable. I’m not completely soulless. And why weren’t they sick last Tuesday. Last Tuesday I had nothing pressing on my work calendar. Not a thing.
Sure a pause-button would help when I was stretched too thin at work. But I also believe a pause-button would make me a way better mother. Because if I had a dollar for every time my sons did something that sent me over the edge and I reacted from the gut instead of as the thoughtful, self-esteem building mother I’ve always aspired to be I’d be retired and living on a tropical island. If I just had a pause-button to hit that gave me like five minutes to think through the appropriate response and deliver it in a constructive and nurturing way I am certain I’d be saving my children thousands in future therapy bills—and myself from the crushing guilt of not living up to my own parenting expectations. Yes, it is a funny that I told my twelve-year-old to Google “man cold” but surely there was a better response. If I had just had five more minutes.
But momming ain’t easy and pause buttons are the things of fantasies. Most days big girl panties are all I’ve got. And it’s been working so far. So maybe instead of a pause-button I need a go-easy-on-yourself-button. Because parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about trying hard and failing and then tying hard again and then maybe getting it right. And maybe that’s even better than being the perfect parent. Maybe our kids seeing us try and try and try is the best lesson for them. And for us.
For laughter and inspiration read my book The Working Mommy's Manual, available on Amazon.
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