As a professional, when I got pregnant I realized for the first time that this playing field we call life isn’t equal after all. It was a nasty lesson to learn – especially when all I wanted to do was be psyched about being a new mom. Instead I found myself having to combat the perception that I would be less committed to my career and my clients and in fact lots of folks wondered if I’d throw in the towel altogether and stay home after the baby was born. Weird, huh? Especially because not one single person questioned my husband’s commitment to his career.
Nothing gets my blood boiling like a double standard. And I think that’s true for most folks. When the rules aren’t evenly applied it pisses all of us off – think about the last time you watched a sporting event with a bad referee.
Gay couples not having legal recognition is like watching a very long game with bad refs.
How unfair you may be asking? Well let me get specific. And let me use some real life examples. I’m going to compare the benefits my husband Peter and I enjoy because we were born straight as opposed to my cousin Rebecca and her wife Meredith who were not.
When Peter and I had children we were both able to take up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave from our jobs because of The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (“FMLA”). The good new is that the Department of Labor has given direction that this benefit can be extended to people who are acting in a parental capacity even if they are not legally married. The bad news is that FMLA only applies to business with over 50 employees. . So when Meredith and Becky decide to start their family they’ll have to either be working for a large company or depend on the good graces of their employers to extend the same protections to them. Ugh.
And the fun doesn’t end there, folks. FMLA also allows for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave from work to care for a seriously ill spouse, parent or child. Here’s the catch – you have to be legally married to qualify. So if Becky and I get hit by a bus, Peter will be able to be by my side for up to twelve weeks with no fear of losing his job. While Meredith has no such guarantee.
And while Becky and I are in ICU it will fall to Peter, as my husband, to make all of my medical decisions. Whereas, Meredith has to hope that the hospital recognizes their legal status (having been married in Massachusetts) or she has time to run home and grab her medical power of attorney in time to prove she is the decision maker. Let’s just hope she has those documents handy and that the injuries Becky sustained when the bus hit here aren’t really all that bad.
So here’s the good news: Becky and I survived – hooray! Flash forward, we are all 62 years old and ready to apply for Social Security. Since Peter and I have a marriage that is recognized by the federal government we have some options to consider as to how we can maximize our benefits. We might opt to take my benefit early at age 62 but delay Peter’s until age 70 so that we have the luxury of drawing one benefit early and then maximizing the other so that when one of us passes away we have the higher amount of Peter’s benefit to live on. Meredith and Becky can’t even consider this because they won’t inherit each other’s benefit and only have their own to depend on. Let’s just hope that the first one of them to kick the bucket had the lower paying job of the two. Double ugh.
Flash forward yet again. Becky and I both die peacefully in our sleep at the age of ninety-five. Thankfully we were very thrifty and were able to amass a nice estate to pass along to our partners. Luckily, Peter will be able to roll any qualified accounts into a spousal IRA and will also enjoy stepped up cost basis on our non-qualified accounts – if all this is Greek to you the bottom line is Peter will probably pay less in taxes. While poor Meredith has no such advantages. Ugh.
So look, I’m not asking that you let Becky and Meredith get married in your church, synagogue, temple or mosque (although I think you’re pretty lame if you don’t). I’m just asking that they get equal treatment under the law. Let’s even the playing field and bring in some good refs.
If you like my blog you’ll love my book. Buy The Working Mommy’s Manual on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Working-Mommys-Manual-Nicole-Corning/dp/0615637418/ref=cm_sw_em_r_dp_6ZRcqb0QFT7P8_tt
 |
For laughter and inspiration read my book The Working Mommy's Manual, available on Amazon.
Buy Online Now!