Recommitting to Boom-Boom

I walked into my closet last week to find two pairs of my “sexy underwear” hanging at eye level over my bureau. And by sexy underwear I mean the pair someone either bought me twelve years ago when I was first married or that my husband buys on Valentines Day for me every other year or so. Totally romantic, I know.

They did make me giggle. At first. Then I started to experience that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Which then gave way to thoughts like “does he mean I’m not satisfying him? Do I need to step up my naughty girl game? Is he unhappy?” How can two pairs of silky undies wreak such emotional havoc?

It can because lets face it sex in any long-term relationship – like marriage – is like a black hole of information. It’s like talking to your friends about how much credit card debt they have. Uncomfortable, icky, and quite frankly is it really any of your business?

I say yes. Yes it is your business. You need to share with your friends. Find out what is working for them and let them know what is or isn’t working for you. Because let’s face it, when you spend a weekend working with your kid on their science project, and doing laundry, and shuttling between soccer games, and catching up on work emails, and, and, and…sex can very easily get bumped off the “to do” list. Because we start looking at sex as an optional exercise whereas the science project due date or the soccer game start time are absolute and final.

Wrong, wrong, wrong! So here is where I am going to get in trouble. You may be familiar with my theory that men are simple creatures – and I mean that in the best possible way. They tend not to over think or over analyze. If my husband had walked into the closet and seen a pair of my silky undies hanging over his bureau he’d have one thought: my wife wants to have sex with me. Period. End of story.

Since I’m already in trouble I’m just going to put it out there that in my totally unscientific opinion most men need sex regularly to feel like their relationship is happy and healthy. I didn’t say this is the only thing they need but it is a critical ingredient. Have you ever heard of the book: The Five Love Languages? The premise is that there are five wayside people feel loved, one of which is physical touch. I do not know of, nor have I heard of any man who didn’t have physical touch as his primary love language. We women are all over the board. But men can skip the self assessment and just check the box next to physical touch.

So ladies, keep it simple and don’t over-think it! Just dust off those sexy panties and commit to putting sex with your partner at the top of your agenda for the year!

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