I’m not in any danger of anyone calling me a prude. I laugh at inappropriate jokes, I am wildly sarcastic, and I have such thick skin it takes me a really long time to realize someone actually doesn’t like me (hard to believe but yes, I am not everyone’s cup of tea). I bartended my way through college, worked in DC in the political field right out of college, and for over the last fifteen years have made a career in banking and finance – none of which would be considered career paths for the faint of heart. I want you to know this about me because in a world where everyone seems to be offended by everything I’m not that person. At all.
But even with my uncanny ability to be tone deaf to political correctness there are times that even I can’t help but think, “Is it just me or is this awful?” So I’ve made a list of my favorite forms of subtle sexism to see if anyone else feels the same way or if it is in fact just me (which because of my thick skin I’ll be fine with if that is the case):
- Have you ever noticed how the talent who anchor your local news dress? It doesn’t just stop with local news coverage because I’ve also noticed offenders on Fox and ESPN. Is it just me or does it look like all the male anchors are about to present to a Board of Directors and the women all look like they are about to go to the club? For reals. I’m talking the women are wearing hoochie mama short skirts with leopard print silky tops that shimmer when the lighting hits them just right. I’m not saying female anchors should all be wearing pantsuits and flesh colored nylons with their knee length skirts, but fair is fair. If the women have to sex it up I want to see their male counterparts in skinny jeans and muscle shirts. If the networks think they just have to pander to the “male-gaze” they are wrong. Females like to gaze as well and I don’t think asking for a nice bicep hugging Ed Hardy shirt is too much to ask for.
- When your husband (or husband equivalent) told his co-workers that you were pregnant, how many asked him if he was going to stay home with the baby? Likewise when you broke the news to your officemates how many times per hour were you asked that question? And when you told your questioners that you were planning to come back to work how many of them told you that: a, you’d feel differently once the baby was here, b. how their wives said the same thing when they were pregnant but they couldn’t help but stay home once the baby came, 3. told you how they knew someone who knew someone who said she was coming back to work just to keep her benefits but then resigned the very day she was scheduled to return to work. My take away from all these encounters is that as a woman I may potentially be missing a chromosome and I probably hate my children because I want to work. But my husband is normal.
- Being judgy goes both ways. I think it would actually be sexist if I didn’t point out that men who stay home or don’t work while the wife does are also looked upon as a bit of an oddity. One of my dear friends from high school is the president of a publicly traded company. Her travel schedule can at times be insane so her highly educated husband stays home with their three young children. Because he wants to. He chose home over work. Because it’s what was the right choice for him and his family. But he’s still an outlier. And isn’t that weird – the fact that he is an outlier? If we are all equal shouldn’t as many men be choosing to stay home with their children as women? Or is the subtle message still: women can have it all as long as they can still be the primary caretaker of the family. As long as they can do that then sure go ahead and work your pretty little heart out.
- This one is personal and I’m not too certain if it will resonate with every reader but it literally kills me so I have to include it. Also I’m betting there is the equivalent in every profession. I am a financial advisor. Approximately 20% of financial advisors are women. Most advisors have assistant. Now while I don’t know the statistics on assistants I will say that there is not a single male assistant in my office and anecdotally I don’t know of any. I’m sure they exist but they are the unicorns of my industry. So guess what happens nine out of ten times whenever I call a vendor or the help desk for a financial product or service? You guessed it (you are so smart) they ask me if I am calling from the broker’s office. I assume they wouldn’t ask me that if they thought I was the broker since technically if I was the broker any office I was sitting in would make it my office. Now nine times out of ten I just roll with it. But there is that occasional moment where I feel compelled to ask them, “Would you be asking me that question if I were a man?” Let me tell you that conversation never goes well. When I ask the question I’m truly interested in simply changing their perspective. Unfortunately people generally take offense to me questioning their subtle sexist bias which is odd because I would think I’m the one entitled to be offended at being the one their subtle sexism is directed at. Sigh.
Honey, I could keep going but these are the ones that drive me insane on a fairly regular basis so I’m going to demonstrate self-control and wrap it up here. Although I’d love to hear some of your favorites as this list is by no means extensive or exhaustive—simply personal and aggravating!
For laughter and inspiration read my blog NicoleCorning.com and my book The Working Mommy’s Manual, available on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Working-Mommys-Manual-Nicole-Corning/dp/0615637418/ref=cm_sw_em_r_dp_6ZRcqb0QFT7P8_tt
For laughter and inspiration read my book The Working Mommy's Manual, available on Amazon.
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