Politics, like most everything else in life, is made to seem way more complicated than it actually is. Mostly because if we just realized our nation’s capital is full of mean eight grade girls and brilliant nerds who still carry grudges against the “Big Man On Campus” we’d get a lot less worked up about the posturing and gaming that happens all day, every day in Washington, D.C.
Take sequestration for example. What is happening right now is the eqivalent of the President and Congress being stuck in a loveless marriage. And they’ve just had one of those terrible fights where no one really yells and screams they just out cold and out mean one another until the glass of Pinot Noir or Maker’s Mark they’ve been sipping quiets them down enough to stew in their own stubbornness. Then they committed the worst sin of all – they went to bed mad.
And like scared little kids we’re peeking around the corner and wondering what we can do to help and gamely trying to tell ourselves it will be better tomorrow. Except it’s not.
So my message to the President and Members of Congress is that first of all we see you. Okay, there’s no pretending this weird argument that has to do more with “which side is winning” than actually trying to bring stability and growth to America is happening. We see you. Holding your hands over your eyes and pretending we can’t see you doesn’t work for three-year olds and it isn’t working for you.
And us working moms are sick of it. Just sick of it. And here’s why.
We’ve spent the last four years desperately holding our families together through some of the worst economic times our country has ever seen since the Great Depression. And we are tired. I mean just plain worn out. It’s been hard to be the family cheerleader when all we’ve wanted to do was cry every day in the shower while drinking staight form a bottle of Bailey’s. And you idiots are not helping.
We don’t need higher meat prices because you’ve furloughed meat inspectors. I’m already stretching my budget as much as I can – the next step is Top Ramen and cat food. We don’t want to wait a single second longer in airport lines with our brood because you’ve cut funding to air traffic controllers. If you want to feel my pain try getting my five and seven-year old sons cross-country and tack on a five-hour delay. The iPad battery life only lasts so long, my friends. And for those of us with kids in the military we’re really very down on the whole “might affect military readiness” thing because the Defense Department is taking the cuts on the chin with a 13% hit to its budget. How about you send your sons and daughters over to Iraq and Afghanistan then get back to us about that whole military budgeting thing?
Look, us moms get it. You need to tighten the belt – and we are all for it. That’s what we’ve been doing since 2008 so if you need some pointers we’re have a few suggestions for you. But don’t think we don’t realize how horrible and devastating these cuts are. We know that they were put in place back in 1985 because they were meant to be so horrible that they would force you to work it out. The guys in your shoes thirty years ago thought “no way would anyone be a big enough dick to let these bad boys go into effect.” So please stop holding your hands over your eyes, stop going to bed angry, start acting like grownups and work this out. Because if not we’re totally going to give you a time out.
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